Life is suffering (3)

Something was wrong. I haven't lived like a saint in my life, but I think I've lived a good life.

I didn't commit any crime.
I didn't drink or smoke.(I don't mean it's wrong.)

I lived with my parents calling me a good son.
I've never run away from home.

Every workplace I go to, I've heard people say I'm sincere.(It's not a show-off.) I worked really hard and  was foolish...)


I think I've been doing my best. I don't know what's so wrong.
Nothing has been done.

In retrospect... I have lived for others too much.
I put off my college studies and sent my parents money.
I worked too hard for other people.

My life was not for me but for others.
The keyword of my life was 'pushover'. A good life for others...

Above all, it was my family who made me suffer.

When my family was in a bad situation... My elder sister, who was supposed to play a leading role on behalf of my father, just left looking for her own life, even though she finished studying at college. She didn't send me any money. In other words, my father and I had to pay back all her tuition she left in the bank.

My parents and I... I was the only one who could make money in my family, and eventually I had to stop studying at university. When others went to college, prepared for the future, and graduated from college, I worked hard at the restaurant.

Without a college diploma and special skills, all I could do was simple work. Being unable to do this or that, I spent my golden twenties working in restaurants.

And my father... 
Of course, he has been a pastor all his life, so he may not know the world. But to make excuses like that, it was a fatal mistake to me.

How did he come up with the idea of sending his child out to the world without a college diploma in this tough world?
With nearly 90 percent of Korean young people graduating from college, how could my father have thought not to let his son study at university?


These questions kept bothering me.

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I am not a native speaker of English. I accept that my English is not perfect. Thank you Google Translator.