Life is suffering (4)

I'm sick now. The more time I took a break from work, the more painful questions I had.

When I was in college about 20 years ago... My father called me one day.
The question of the day that began with "Son."

"My family is in trouble right now. Would you like to finish college studying or buy a small apartment instead of studying?"

My father suggested that I should stop studying because my family was in a bad situation at that time. Also, my father suggested to pay back the apartment loan with the money to study at the university. And he said he would give me the apartment.

I remember I was around 25 years old, right after I was discharged from the army at that time, but I realized that..

That this question is going to be really important for my whole life.

Now that I think about it, it was a stupid decision. Why did I do that? I regret it late, but it's already past.

Being stupid, ignorant of the world, I decided I'd rather buy an apartment without thinking. Everything has changed since then. Of course, I blame myself for making such a stupid decision, but I can't still understand my father.

Now that I am old and mature, if I hear such a question now, I will definitely choose to graduate from college.

However, my father who had lived only pastoral life and I did not know how the world was going, made such foolish decisions. I would buy a small apartment and stop studying at the university.

I'm getting angry now. Why...? What the hell?

How did he come up with the idea of sending his own child into the world without a college diploma in this tough world? Why the hell...?

What makes me even more heartbroken is the following fact. In fact, what my father really wanted was the small apartment.

My father didn't really mean to give me the apartment.
In the end, my father never handed me down the apartment or let me study at my university.
​
Whenever I talked about my past, I used to say that my family's situation was difficult. But now I realize it, but it wasn't that my family was so difficult. My family's financial status was never enough, but it was never hard enough to starve.

​It was all because of my father's greed to have that small apartment in Busan.

The little apartment that would change his son's future
A father who sacrificed his child's future because of his stupid greed.

I can't forgive the decision. ...
I can't understand and forgive that stupid decision.
​
It is so heartbreaking that the person who made such a decision is not someone else, but my father who is supposed to take care of me the most.

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I am not a native speaker of English. I accept that my English is not perfect. Thank you Google Translator.